Honor and Disagreement

A few days ago, I listened to an excellent talk on the significance of disagreement. The speaker spoke of how important it was to allow for different opinions to be heard, and how Christians need to make sure not to surround themselves with like-minded people only.

Jesus instructed us to be salt and light; to flavor the world as well as showing direction. We want to see his kingdom come. We have this God-given longing in our hearts to see the will of God being done on earth as it is in heaven. And then, when we look at the world we are sometimes painfully disappointed.

Our disappointment can reveal itself in various ways. Sometimes we lash out against the people who we consider to be transgressors. Other times we drive people gone astray into guilt and shame. We might even hold other people responsible for our own failure to comply with self-made expectations.

Could it be that we hold people to a Kingdom standard without introducing them to the King?

Did we somehow lose grace along the way, enforcing rules and demands without presenting them with the love and power of our living God?

If we want to make a change in the world, we need to situate ourselves where our influence is needed. When we want to be heard, we should make sure to listen as well. If we want to be respected, we should be the first to acknowledge the opinions of others.

Here’s where it gets tricky. Somehow, ‘respecting others’ have in our society come to mean ‘agreeing with them’. Healthy discussions are derailed by someone claiming not to be respected because the other party doesn’t agree. As if we always need to agree on everything.

Are we unable to form relationships with the people that we disagree with?

If the answer is yes, we have to take a step back and look at the Master. Did he agree with all the people that he spent time with? Hardly. Did he not eat with sinners to the outrage of the Pharisees? Absolutely. Did he surround himself with people who he knew had a different mindset and who would ultimately let him down? Yes, he did.

Jesus is our example. He loved. Not because of, but in spite of.

Do we as Christians know how to honor the people that we disagree with? What does love look like when we are face to face with someone that holds strong opinions that are opposites of ours?

I have some thoughts on this, though it’s hardly an exhaustive list. I don’t want it to be. As you read, ask Holy Spirit to show you whether you honor the people you disagree with.

1. Your ‘opponent’ is your partner in seeking the truth

We see things from different angles. Our observations are filtered through our core values and previous experiences. Rather than viewing the other party as your opponent or enemy, try shifting focus and viewing him or her as your partner in the search for truth. Listen closely and willfully. Make sure that your partner will know that you are determined to understand their point of view, even though you may not agree with it.

2. Honor will not allow shame

If the other party is left with a sense of shame after the discussion, you have failed, no matter if you’ve apparently won the discussion. Do not ever shame or bully someone for their convictions. Fiercely protect the other’s right to having another opinion. Society will have you believe that you are intolerant if you believe something else than the majority. So untrue. You have the right to your opinion. As do others. Posting offensive remarks will not bless anyone, and we will be poorer by doing it.

3. You love in spite of differences

My friend has taught me a lot about unconditional love. Whenever we meet for breakfast we will solve the world’s problems over a good cup of coffee. Sometimes, we even tackle our own. My friend does not define herself as a Christian, but she’s certainly a believer in many regards. Whenever I’m sad or discouraged, she will lean over the table, look me in the eye and say: ‘Have you forgotten whose team you’re on? Have you prayed about this? Has there ever been a time when that hasn’t worked out for you?’ Because she loves me, she will help me find my way back to who I am.

I mentioned before that I don’t by far consider this to be an exhaustive list, but rather a nudge to get your own train of thoughts rolling.

Do you treat people the way Jesus would have?

How do you honor the people you disagree with?

I would love to hear from you.