My kids have always had their fair share of arguments. That doesn’t bother me, after all, they argue a lot less than I used to do as a kid. (Not that I’m ever going to admit that to my kids, that would be like putting my head on the block. *Note to self: should I really put this on a public blog? Oh, well…) My siblings and I were a lot more opinionated and outspoken growing up than we are now. I like to think of it as part of a sanctification process, but honestly, it has more to do with growing up. We still disagree on a lot of things, but we respect each other’s opinion and right to state it.
It’s interesting how things change over the years, not just from one generation to another, but even as my kids are getting older. They used to get annoyed with each other and cry out: “Mom! She’s bothering me! Make her stop!” or “Dad! He broke my toys! Please fix them! …But punish him first!!”
Threats were frequently exchanged, ranging from “You will never come into my room!” to “Stop it, or I won’t let you use my stuff!” There was the occasional blackmail: “I found the game console you’ve been looking for! What are you willing to do to get it back?!” Or the eerie: “Oh, I ran into the cute girl in your class today. You know, the one whose name you’ve been writing everywhere. What we talked about? Oh no, I really couldn’t say, it was a private conversation… By the way, would you mind doing my chores today, I’m so busy…!”
The threats have grown more elaborate as the kids grew older. Just the other day I heard how my two boys finished their argument with the following line: “Back off, or I’ll yank out that single facial hair you insist on calling a beard!” End of discussion.
They still have an uncanny ability to go for each other’s weak spots, but at the same time, they support one another unconditionally through hard times and celebrate each other’s victories as their own.
As iron sharpens iron, they certainly sharpen each other. Family will do that to you. It may not feel comfortable, but nothing compares to family when it comes to bringing out your absolute best and your excruciating worst. It’s fascinating!
As parents, we invest into our children’s lives, teaching them great lessons of life, hoping that some will stick with them. I’ve taught them the value of integrity, explaining that “Whenever you are doing something that makes you think ‘Oh, I’m glad Mom can’t see me right now!’, then DON’T! Just stop what you’re doing, you already know it’s wrong.” Another valuable Mom Lesson, is: “The bigger mess you’ve made, the faster you run home. We’re here to help you.”
Sometimes these Life Rules stick with them, and other times they don’t. That’s OK. I don’t expect my kids to remember everything I’ve said, that would be unreasonable. I mean, I don’t even remember! Thankfully, they don’t rely on their mom always telling them what to do. They have good judgment and sometimes they even use it. But there’s more:
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Psalm 32,8 (NIV)
God’s loving eye is on my kids. Not to punish them, but to love them. He’ll love them all the way Home.
His heart for us is soft and tender, gracious and loving, powerful and life-giving. As we get to know him, we recognize his heart and we see ourselves as he sees us.
I want my kids to know my heart. The other day Adrian commented: “Mom, I know you really well. Most of the time I know what’s going on in your mind, even if you don’t tell me. Which means that I get corrected a lot more times during the day than you’re aware of. You don’t have to say a word!”
He was laughing when he said it. Because he knows that I love him, he also willingly receives my corrections. As we were talking today, I exclaimed: “Do you know how much I love you?” He grinned. “It’s a no-brainer. What’s not to love?”